Participation powers possibility
Fears around success + trusting truths
Funny how so much of this experience tends to come back to life’s natural contradiction and polarity. What we desire is intrinsically connected to what we don’t, and yet we often get stuck in these circular cycles that don’t tend to lead us to the points we’re wanting to reach. Or life throws more curveballs and we struggle to hold to the belief that things can still work in our favor— that not only can we bear the dualism, but really deepen and grow alongside it.
In my last post, I mentioned a bit about an unsupportive voice that can creep in and attempt to silence me in regards to expressing myself in certain ways. Well, that voice has friends and as you know if you’ve been around these parts, I’m committed to continuance and varied expression through this non-linear journey. So here I am, pushing past resistant energy and sharing more of what’s been on my mind and heart.
Though the trajectory of my path has been filled with health struggles and other personal challenges, there has also been a portion present related to my own inner fears and reluctance. The health struggles have surely added to the concern and hesitation, but I know that they’d be there regardless. I feel like the kinds of fears that are shared most in relation to fulfilling certain longings are those of not getting there. Of not reaching the goal, gaining the position, meeting aligned partners, communities, collaborators, love, or some other experience. I don’t hear enough of the uneasiness that can stem from the opposite— the fears and realities surrounding attainment. The worries of not being able to sustain the bounty and hold it all together. The dread of possibility within visibility. The grief in knowing that not everything and everyone can be a part of every trail (including pieces within). I’ve noticed how these elements have played a role in my journey and am so over still feeling beholden to them in varied ways! I can still bring my visions to life even if I have to make adjustments and ask for more support! I can stand ten toes down on my multi-faceted being and experience and not allow imposter syndrome to crowd! I can surrender false senses of control and play with boundaries as much as necessary! I can trust myself to handle whatever comes my way!
As much as I’m all about the real, raw and vulnerable, I also value privacy, and still have lingering struggles with receiving too much attention. Re: the dread of possibility within visibility. So when it’s come to showing up in online spaces for example, there’s been a part of me that hasn’t wanted to gain a level of recognition. I’ve seen what being in the spotlight can illuminate, expand, and attract, and it isn’t all ideal or desired. I’ve also seen the ways it can enable the desirable, which is why I’m still here— it’s worth the risk and practice. I’m not bound to others’ expectations without consent, I can choose when and what I want to share or be connected to. I can recognize when perceptions are projections, misunderstandings, conditioning, or anything else that doesn’t have to do with me. I can use discernment and hold the perspectives of those who do have background, context or whose values are in alignment with mine to reflect when necessary. I can broaden care skills and seek additional resources if I’m met with circumstances outside of my wheelhouse. I can trust myself to handle whatever comes my way!
Now, imposter syndrome? That can be one lil bi*ch to fully shake. These colonial projects sink their grubby extractive paws into our psyche and aim to keep us in the belief that their Western frameworks and degrees are what validate our knowledge and worth. That their set of credentials are the ultimate authority in deciding whether we’re qualified enough or not. And it’s not to say that “formal” education isn’t necessary in certain areas, but even within those positions we should be discerning of where the information is coming from, who benefits, who/what is left out, etc. We have to remember the truth in praxis and richness within our own wisdom (including what’s passed down). You know what’s up!
Though I went to school and got a degree, I know that so much of my seasoning comes from years upon years of working with the public, whether in “professional” or more personal settings. My lived experiences, continued learning, and engagement with various intergenerational communities from diverse backgrounds, have all informed the ways in which I’ve been able to navigate the connections and spaces I’m present in. There shouldn’t be an air of surprise when I’m recognized in any way, whether being asked advice and having affirming messages shared or being invited to facilitate or create something. I know what I carry and am reminded every day of the impact in my being, even if in the simplest of ways. Perfection is non-existent. I have nothing to prove. My moves speak for themselves. I trust in my knowing. I am not just a teacher, I am a student of life. It is all a practice. I can trust myself to handle whatever comes my way!
When I think about the worry in not being able to sustain the bounty and hold it all together, I know that the source of that concern is tied up in residual conditioning. They’re the parts that act like it’s solely up to me to keep it intact. That act like adjustments and accommodations can’t be made, as if change isn’t the only thing we can count on. They’re the parts that prefer for me to stay small, quiet or submissive to societal norms and expectations. The parts that highlight and try to place more importance on the external thoughts and judgments. No en esta casa! It’s why I say I’m a dreamer in (slow) action. Healing, unlearning, and habits don’t form overnight. Foundations aren’t built in a day. Lasting things take time. Every element or factor is not within my control. I cannot see the entire picture all at once. I honor my process. I braid more patience and compassion in. I anchor deeper within my inner truths and guidance. I remain open enough to possibility. I allow myself to be seen in fullness. In mess. I allow myself to begin again and again.
I can trust myself to handle whatever comes my way!
There are still people to meet! Spaces to spark! Charms to clarify and crystallize! Feels to feel!
I’m more than my (and our) limitations. I’m welcome to show up as I am. I can have my needs met in ways that are supportive to my well-being. Care is abundant. My versions and visions of success are inevitable as I remain devoted. What I have to offer, others anticipate to receive.
Shoutout to those who have been around for a while and have seen the ways in which these spaces and offerings have shifted. Can’t really know ‘til we go! As reminders are central to my work, I want you to remember you’re not behind and* that there’s no time like the present. There may be moments in which more may be needed, but there will be plenty of other times that ask us to just take the step. To remember that much of the learning happens in the doing. Maybe you don’t need another class, workshop, book, person, or any other thing outside of what you already know to make the move. To assume the position. Not every desire for safety is one that enables our becoming (remembering). Time goes on anyway.
Our paths are paved with our efforts and sacred persistence,
more will be revealed.
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Always sending a warm squeezin’ if you want it <3
beautiful 🌻💛 full of affirmations i need spoken into my life this season. thank you 🫶🏼